Chalk this up as another example of how wrong a direction America is going in.
I'm rarely home at this time and able to watch TV. But today I happened to be home and turned on Dr. Phil. The show's topic today is Polyfidelity... not polygamy, but polyfidelity. Is there a difference? According to the guest on today's show there is.
On the Dr. Phil website, under the heading Twisted Love, it says, "For three months, Charles has been juggling a relationship with Tracy, his wife of 19 years, and another woman. He wants to explore polyfidelity and be shared by the two women. Can a man introduce another woman into his marriage and form a healthy, 'triangular' relationship, in which he is shared by his wife and mistress?
This man truly believed that this polyfidelity thing was a viable alternative and answer to growing bored in his nearly 20-year marriage. Charles believes he can "handle keeping both women emotionally and sexually fulfilled." He says, "I've always been blessed with a boundless dimension of energy. To me, it was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. It was a great ride."
I just bet it was!
My immediate thought is ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!? This dude is completely dilusional and this woman is pathetic. Now I'm all for trying everything to save a marriage, but this is ridiculous!
Charles unapologetically continues by saying,"I'm getting a little older, and I think I'm looking for a change. I think I have exhausted my relationship with her after 22 years. I was with both women for a period of three months. I even amazed myself as far as the sex is concerned. Didn't even know that I was capable of doing it because I'm nearly 50 and I was acting like a 25-year-old. I have needs, and I needed more, and I got that with the other woman. The sex was actually a gift from the other woman to my wife. I know that sounds unbelievable, but it actually woke something up inside of me with her."
So he was doing his wife a favor????? What a self-important and pompous ass!
I also find it so very sad that this woman must have the absolute lowest self-esteem to even explore this concept. And she did explore it. She agreed to go with her husband and his mistress to some "Alternative Lifestyle Counselor" (whatever the hell that is?!). It's only after exploring it that she decided that she was unequivocally not ok with it. In my opinion, why do you even have to explore it to know that? But after she said no to polyfidelity (I hate to even dignify it by giving it a "name"), Charles got mad and indignant.
"I became very angry when my wife decided, 'It's just not for me and I'm not going to do it,'" says Charles. "It has worked for thousands of years, in other cultures, so why should we be victimized just because we live in America and not have an opportunity to be able to express ourselves emotionally and lovingly the way that I have been trying to do with these two women? I'm willing to go on the show and show people out there that you don't have to get a divorce, you can have a loving and sincere relationship with more than one woman."
Oh, you're right, Charles, you are such a martyr. Thanks for trying to help us all out.
Charles says that he now knows this is not an option for them, but he still wants to know WHY he did this in the first place? Oh, there's a reason more that simply being arrogant and selfish??
Not really, but Dr. Phil did give a little more of an answer. He said, "When you stood up all those years ago, in those wedding pictures we saw, you didn't say, 'I agree to be your life partner until I feel that I've worn you out, until I have exhausted my relationship with you.' I think you just cut a deal back then, and now you're trying to re-trade the deal because you hit a time when you [two] disconnected and it wasn't very much fun."
"Yes," Charles agrees.
"But I'm going to tell you something," Dr. Phil continues. "You just don't fix relationship problems ever, by turning outside the relationship. All that does is run it off in the ditch. But, if the only point of view you're considering is your own, then it makes sense because that feels good.
You know, I used to like Dr. Phil, but in recent years he seems to have gotten a bit Jerry Springeresque for me. That being said, I liked what he had to say.
In the end, Charles agreed to go to counseling, but unless this guy gets a personality lobotomy, I can't imagine much changing.
3 comments:
You got that right.
I also think Dr. Phil is brilliant. It makes me sad what he's doing now, but I usually like his perspective and no-nonsense straight talk. I have several of his books and found them beneficial.
I am also all for a good, healthy, fun, and frequent sex life (kind of miss it actually)... but it can only be accomplished for me in a responsible, ethical, and moral manner. I guess that's why I miss it.
This exact topic came up in conversation last night in a group of friends. We were all bewildered at all the (what can only be labeled) INSANE marriage-related issues that larger circles in society are beginning to deem acceptable: from living on the "down-low" to swinging to now this polyfidelity horse crap!!!
Seriously, I cannot begin to grasp how seriously screwed up one must be to engage in and permit such activity. It makes you want to grab that wacko and shake some sense into him...and then shake some sense into his spineless wife as well! (Whoa now, I realize that all sorts of things could have occurred in her past to contribute to her willingness to allow this to happen, and some arguments could be made at the amount of courage it took for her to remain in this marriage despite her lunatic of a husband's crazy ideas. But the fact remains that this goes against everything a relationship entails, and I hold to the fact that she should not have given consent for this to take place.)
I definitely agree that he has run slightly askew in his motives as of late, but Dr. Phil has had some very good things to say. He possesses that rare gift of being able to speak the truth (in its most harsh form) to someone and somehow make them feel as though he's doing them a favor. His comments to this Charles fellow were absolutely right on the mark.
Polyfidelity, like anything else is not for everyone. And it can't be added to a failing marriage to save it.
I find people with the loudest opinions are those who watched an episode of Dr. Phil and believe themselves experts. Do a google search, look up the definition. This man who wanted to add a wife and call it polyfidelity does a diservice to those of us who practise this and find much success.
My husband and I have been together for many years. After much discussion another woman came into our lives. It was not chance or hormones. This was about life, and children, and happiness. We are happier than any couple we know of. But that is also the art of communication and a giving heart as well as countless other necessities. People who live this lifestyle do it for their whole lives, and successfully, some fail of course but that life. Poly couples have been around just as long as any other type of relationship and trust me, we are alot less judgemental.
Of course it may sound shocking. People consider the extra work involved and potential headaches. But why not have an expert on Polyamory or Polyfidelity? Dr. Phil chose to have an ignorant man without any knowledge of what he was proclaiming. It is irresponsible. It leaves people with a terrible impression and the last thing I need is more ignorance in this world. Information is how we understand eachother.
Educate yourself people and stop judging your neighbour.
Caroline is absolutely right. We really should listen to those who have lived the life than one who watches from afar with little questions and answers.
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