Friday, April 28, 2006

Do you ever...

Do you ever just feel like you need a break? A break from everyone and everything? Cause right about now that's EXACTLY how I feel.

Feeling Old

You know it's really weird. For years, all I've heard is, "You're so young. You have PLENTY of time to settle down." But somehow I've now turned into an Old Maid by Fireman's family's standards. Don't get me wrong, they love me. They are really nice, and we get along great. But none of them can believe that I'm 35 (will be 36 in September) and have never been married nor engaged. Like I'm some sort of anomaly or something. Like an alien being that they don't really know what to do with. It's so strange. It's just that my life (which by many people's standards has not been all that exciting or adventurous) seems so cosmopolitan to them. So foreign to them. And not just to them. It's really foreign to Fireman, too. I've never felt like I've had to explain myself and my life choices before, but suddenly it seems as if I do. And it's not like they or he sit and grill me or anything. It's just very obvious that I've lived a much different life.

Hell, maybe I AM old. And there are always the not-so-subtle comments made by my nurse sister-in-law about how much risk there is involved in having children after age 35. And then she always catches herself and makes some sort of disclaimer, but it's out there nonetheless.

And I'm just so tired right now that I feel about 100! Just put me out to pasture. Stick a fork in me cause I'm done!

Here Lately

It's been too long since I've blogged, and I really miss it. My life has been in overdrive mode leaving me with no time to spend just reflecting. I HATE that.

The school year is almost over which means cramming in 7 more IEP's, finalizing grades, and being sure all of my classes finish the novels they have been reading. It also means that final assignments/projects are due in each of my three graduate classes.

But I have come to a major decision. I will teach in Mississippi for the next school year in order to finally become fully certified to teach. This has been the most convoluted journey ever - don't even ask! A journey full of obstacles that have made me want to lose my religion! Even though my pay will decrease by nearly $5000.00 next year because MS doesn't pay as high as LA, it is still worth it if I am fully certified at the end of the year. Why doesn't Louisiana have more than one or two options for alternative certification? I know that Georgia and Mississippi do. But not Louisiana. Another thing to put our illustrious state last in line for.

I do plan to teach in LA again the following year, but I need to do this to end what will by next year be a 6-year endeavor. OMG... that's 2 years longer than it took me to earn my undergraduate degree!

I'm not going to know what to do with myself when all I have to do is teach. Not teach and do cheerleading, or teach and go to school at night, or teach and do cheerleading AND go to school at night. Just teach. Ahhhh.... the thought is so enchanting. I could get lost in that daydream.

Another thing that's been going on is my relationship with the fireman. It's still happening. I honestly don't have my head fully wrapped around it yet. Maybe that's another reason why I haven't blogged about it. I just don't know what to say. I also don't know that I want to open it up to criticism and comments. I may just want to keep it for myself for a while.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Thoughts

Haven't blogged in a while and don't really have time to right now, but here is what's on my mind.
  1. Love is not simple.
  2. I'm not perfect and neither is he.
  3. It's amazing how unclear I can be even when I think I'm being clear.
  4. I'm very set in my ways and so is he.
  5. I have very little patience.
  6. Men can be big babies.
  7. Fire fighters have a LOT of time on their hands.
  8. I have a very busy life.
  9. It's weird to have my sister-in-law so supportive of this guy.
  10. Words can't express how OVER school I am right now.