Monday, January 30, 2006

That Old Feeling

I hesitate to write this because the implications of such a public declaration could be many. But I want to because honestly expressing my feelings as I feel them is part of what this process is all about for me - part of why I chose to start this blog in the first place. I think it's an important part of my personal journey.

It may not be the safe choice, but it's real and who I am. And I rarely take the safe choice anymore. So in an effort to be true to my word, I begin...

Just when I think I'll never feel again...

You know that feeling you get when you first meet someone? That feeling where you can't seem to stop thinking about him? It's a warmth that starts in the core of your body and radiates throughout your being. And without realizing it, you have a faint smile on your face that won't seem to go away.

But I haven't actually met this person. We've only spoken. But the talks have been so much fun. I've been here before and been let down... the spark did not ignite in person. I hope that doesn't happen because I'm enjoying this feeling so much.

Are You Too Picky? Revisited - A Quiz

Ok. Someone posted this quiz on The Bachelor message board, and being a teacher, I just love quizzes!

This is just for fun and by NO MEANS do I think it's reliable. I just have to tell you that I scored a 34% and was told that I "could be pickier."

Here are the results....


Could be pickier! Your willingness to look beyond the surface for
other qualities shows that you are grounded in reality when looking for a
relationship. Just beware of going with the flow too much and settling for
"OK instead of "fantastic."


So to all of you in my life who have told me "Your too picky!".... I say HA! SO THERE!

Try it for yourselves.

http://www.channel4.com/health/microsites/P/pickyquiz/index.html

With A Good Heart

I never want to intentionally hurt another's feelings. How do you tell someone else who has been nothing but great to you that you just don't feel that spark?

As my Granny used to say, you just have to do it "with a good heart."

To me that means just trying to be as honest and respectful as I can, knowing I have no control over the outcome.

It's a leap of faith, but I know I've taken that leap with a good heart.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Great Stuff From An Unlikely Source

As I noted in a previous post, I'm huge fan of ABC's The Bachelor and often read the show's message boards. Lo and behold, the other day I was surfing the boards looking for some juicy show gossip to share with my friends when I ran across a thread about online dating. Of course, I had to check it out. The thread originated from someone asking if anyone on the boards ever did it. Several people posted their experiences, and I referred her to my post of 10 Things I've Learned From Profile Omissions.

Another poster checked out my blog and responded with a link to an article she wrote for msn.com about what helps online daters who meet, stay together. Turns out this poster has a PhD, has conducted some interesting research, and is a very good writer.

Here's her post to me and a link to her article.


Very good stuff, onthebayou--

Here is a link to something i wrote for msn.com called: "You met
online. Will it last?" This looks mainly at couples who formed
successful longterm relationships. Comparing them to people who
split.

http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=4092

I've tried it myself and have met a few good people, but not a
partner. Here's wishing us all the best of luck!

Spark

I've often been asked, "So what are you looking for in mate? What's your type?" Sure, I can easily rattle off a list of traits and qualities that are important to me, or (as previously posted) recite my Must Haves and Can't Stands. But it's more than that.

It's that indescribable thing or feeling that you get when you meet someone that says "Wow, what was that? There may be something there." But if it's indescribable, how can you tell someone else what it is? How do you instantly know whether there is romantic potential with someone or not?

I believe it all starts with a spark.

It's just something - a feeling you get with someone. It's either there or it isn't. According to the American Heritage Dictionary, a spark can be defined as "a quality or feeling with latent potential; a seed." I think the definition fits.

Then the chemistry comes into play. The dictionary defines it as "the elements of a complex entity and their dynamic interaction." How very appropriate. It implies complexity, and when two people are involved, it's bound to get complex. Chemistry can certainly grow, but there must first be a spark to get it started.

It's a shame when a spark is not there with a really nice person, who on paper, seems to have it all. It seems lame to only say, "I just don't feel any spark." But that is the reality. There just isn't that necessary spark. I've recently come across something which I believe illustrates this point, and the funny thing is that it comes from "reality" tv.

I watch the reality tv show, The Bachelor, on ABC. And being the dork I am, I read the message boards where fans discuss the show. Throughout the posts, there always seems to be the question, "Why did he let her go? She's beautiful and smart, and they seem to have so much in common!" People get irate when they feel a "good girl" has been slighted. (I must admit I've been guilty of this, too.)

But the reality is he just didn't "feel" it. If you read his online diary, invariably there is a sentence or two in there explaining that he just didn't feel any sexual chemistry or spark with that person. Can you really blame a person for that?

You can't make it happen or not happen - it's either there or it isn't.

Best case scenario is when both people feel the spark. Next best scenario is when neither person feels the spark. The worst case scenario is when one person feels it and the other does not - that's never fun.

I've played the role in each of these three scenarios. I must admit, sometimes more gracefully than others.

But in my quest to keep learning and growing, I vow to never again get angry when someone doesn't "feel" it with me.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Non-Negotiables

We all have them.

Eharmony.com's founder, Dr. Neil Clark Warren calls them Must Haves and Can't Stands. In college my friends and I called them Grounds for Divorce. The American Heritage Dictionary defines it as non-marketable (hmmm.... ironic? sounds like another idea for a post!). Many call them Standards.

Are they truly NON negotiable? I don't know. I've certainly negotiated on a few in the past. Mainly if the physical attraction was there. But those relationships didn't work out, so should I have been willing to negotiate? My understanding of what Dr. Warren says about them is that there are numerous things that we prefer or even want/don't want, but that there should be a maximum of 10 things (I guess he had to pick a number) we absolutely Must Have and absolutely Can't Stand in a mate. Everything else is up for grabs or as they say, negotiable. The odd thing for me is that my list changes as time goes by. So that in and of itself, may be the answer to my question of whether or not something should truly be non-negotiable.

But I digress...

Here's my list...

MUST HAVES

1. Believe in God
2. Physical attraction to each other
3. Ability to express love and affection
4. Be as tall or taller than I am
5. Want biological children or be willing to adopt
6. Get along with my immediate family
7. Ability to adapt to life's ups and downs
8. Ability and willingness to accept outside help if needed
9. Level of intelligence equal to or greater than mine
10. Similar moral and political values as mine

CAN'T STANDS

1. Current addiction
2. Engaging in any kind of sexual activity outside of our relationship
3. Victim mentality
4. Mean spirited nature
5. Demeaning personality
6. Daily smoking





Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Enjoy It While You Can!

There are certain advantages to being single. One of which is the ability to do pretty much whatever I want, whenever I want. I can totally focus on "me" if I want to.

One of my favorite things to do for "me" is to go to a day spa.

And I don't mean just on a Saturday afternoon, but I really like to go on a Friday or Saturday night. Depending on where you live, it may not be open past 7 p.m. or so, but if it is, the later the better for me. It's like having a date, only the date is with myself.

My favorite day spa is in Atlanta. It's called Spa Sydell and has locations throughout the Metro Atlanta area. You can check it out at www.spasydell.com. One advantage to the many locations is that you can pretty much call the main number and find an opening at the last minute. I'm big on that because many times I decide at the last minute that I'm in the mood for a massage.

Imagine this...

Quiet. There's no need to talk.

Lights down low, scented candles glowing.

Relaxing sounds fill the silence.

Powerful hands work to ease pent-up tension.

No need to reciprocate. It's all about you.

I know when and if my dream of marriage and a family comes true, my chances for nights like this will be few and far between.

I'm definitely going to enjoy it while I can!

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Soul Mate = Singlehood

I can't take credit for this idea, but I wanted to pass it along. It really spoke to me.

My mom cut the article out of O Magazine for me nearly 3 years ago and sent it to me while I was living in the big city. (She does that a lot, and it's kind of a running joke between the two of us... she always has a stack of papers to share only she's forgotten exactly why she wanted to share them!)

I'm really glad she sent this one because it totally changed my outlook on the quest for "The One." After reading this, I realized my efforts had more than likely been counterproductive.

So please read this and pass it along to the favorite "single" in your life. It just might change their life, too.

Soul Mates: A Primer
Valerie Frankel; O, The Oprah Magazine; April 1, 2002

Does your perfect match exist? What if he lives in Greenland? What if there's more than one? Valerie Frankel aims some soul-searching questions at religious leaders, metaphysicians, and academics.

TEN YEARS AGO I MET MY SOUL MATE. HE WAS EASY to recognize on a crowded planet of six billion. It wasn't an electric look in his eyes, or a sudden whoosh of magic when we touched. Rather, Glenn made me laugh. We had chemistry, passion, compatibility a sense of destiny. We conducted our marriage, and the parenting of our two daughters, with smug certainty. We crowed about it late at night in bed, how we could handle anything life might throw at us.

Turned out, life threw death at us. In November 2000 he died of lung cancer at 34. I was left in every way, alone and not right. My revised destiny: a long, lonely future. There couldn't be another One True Love. That would make Two. No one ever says, "He's the Two, I just know it." Friends and family assured me that I'd find love again. I doubted it. Even if I could eke out sexinduced emotion for a new man, it couldn't compare. My husband-my soul mate-had been my other half. No one else could get that close.

FOR ME, SOUL MATE-ISM HAS been both an extra gift and a belief. For the majority of singles, it's a requirement. An Internet search for the phrase yields dozens of dating Web sites promising to deliver a soul mate for a $25-a-month registration fee. Of the 1,003 subjects in Rutgers University's 2001 National Marriage Project survey, 94 percent of the 20-to-29-year-old respondents agreed that "when you marry you want your spouse to be your soul mate, first and foremost." Eightyeight percent of the single pollees in that age group are convinced that "there is a special person, a soul mate, waiting for you somewhere out there." But the National Marriage Project estimates that at least 15 percent of current young adults will never marry. Their soul mate search will be futile."

I see a connection between seeking a soul mate and lifelong singlehood," says David Popenoe, PhD, professor of sociology at Rutgers University and codirector of the National Marriage Project. Popenoe adopted the phrase soul mates in his survey because it came up again and again in focus groups. "It means a person who is exactly right for you, with whom you have perfect chemistry," he says. "The relationship is easy, it feels meant to be. In theory, the concept is terrific. These are comforting thoughts in a difficult marital period in history. But searching and believing in a soul mate is not helpful. It's dysfunctional. It compounds loneliness. Anyone has hundreds of potential marriage partners. It's a terrible idea to look for a perfect match. He does not exist."

"I agree," says Mary T. Browne, a psychic, author of The Power of Karma, and one of the friends who helped me in the dark hours. "The concept of a soul mate implies that you can't achieve perfection without uniting with another person. But each of us is whole in and of herself. What people really want is a loving, harmonious, passionate relationship. There are many people at this time on earth that you can have a meaningful connection with." But as meaningful as what I'd lost? "We make ourselves unhappy by believing in a one true soul mate who does not exist," she says.

"Does not exist," say both the sociologist and the psychic. But maybe soul mate-ism has validity in a religious context. Enter the priest and the rabbi (a setup in need of a punch line: "A psychic, a sociologist, a priest, and a rabbi walked into a bar..."). "The teaching of the Catholic Church has always been of a complete holy marital union," says Father Charles Kraus of St. Charles Borromeo Church in Brooklyn. "The relationship develops in God's presence, transmitting total trust, committing to each other in life, and continuing the abiding love of God and each other in heaven." God has no hand in helping people find each other (so much for fate or destiny), but one can turn to God for guidance and strength to maintain or reinforce the commitment. The classic elements of the union of souls--instant chemistry grand passion--don't have anything to do with love of God. Ergo, they don't play with Father Kraus.

NOR DO THEY WITH RABBI Miriam Ancis of HavuratShalom synagogue in Brooklyn. "Jews have a word--b'shert--that means 'meant to be,'" she says. "But it's used only in hindsight. If a marriage works out, everyone says it was b'shert. That's the extent of romantic destiny in Judaism. A marriage is holy and based on shared values, but it's not a cosmic union of long-searching souls. It's a practical arrangement, and the couple is responsible for making it work, but that doesn't always happen. In fact, Judaism was one of the first religions to acknowledge and permit divorce." No one says a divorce is b'shert. "After a split, people say 'That's too bad.' B'shert is for happy outcomes."

And what of my situation? My marriage was b'shert, and I readily attached cosmic glitter to it. I want to believe that Glenn and I were meant to be--and, for that matter, that he was meant to cease to be. Otherwise I'd get lost in a downward spiral of why. (Why are my children fatherless? Why did a nonsmoker get lung cancer? etc.) Some people die young. And those who are left (alone, not right) have to continue, soul mate-less.

About nine months after Glenn died, a friend gave me Nancy Mitford's novel The Pursuit of Love. On a romantic quest, the heroine goes from one intense relationship to the next until both she and her last, best love die during World War II. At the end the narrator--the heroine's cousin--says to her mother, "I think she would have been happy with Fabrice. He was the great love of her life, you know." The mother says, "One always thinks that. Every every time." The line is meant to be cynical. But, coming out of the worst of my sadness, I fell in love with the notion that any passionate relationship, simply because it was current, would seem like the best one yet. I fixated on the possibility that my next relationship with just a man--he could never he a cosmic soul mate--didn't have to be a crushing disappointment. The bestness would be an illusion. But it would also be pretty.

And so it is. Several months ago I met a man. Steve makes me laugh. We have chemistry, passion, compatibility. I'm in love again. It's sweet, warm, and simple as pie. In many ways he's better suited to me than Glenn (in others, he's not). This time, though, I'm not smug. The person I've become is grateful for every blessing, thankful for any small happiness. I can't (won't) say, "He's the Two, I just know it!" It hardly matters if he's the Two, the Other One, the Current One, One More, One Less, or One of Hundreds. There's a huge relief, actually, in separating my relationship from destiny Who needs that kind of pressure? Soul mates probably don't exist. Steve definitely does. I'll take him, imperfectly for as long as it lasts. And I'll feel lucky. Every, every time.

"Writing this story was a richly satisfying experience for me, and I hope reading it will help others," says Valerie Frankel, who debunks the myth that there is only one perfect partner for each of us in "Soul Mates: A Primer" (page 75). "It's a really beautiful concept, but that's where you have to start and stop if you want to be happy." Frankel, the author of the upcoming book The Accidental Virgin (Morrow/Avon), lives in Brooklyn with her two daughters, Maggie, 6, and Lucy, 3.

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Wait

Waiting.

That's a concept I'd avoid if I could. But you see God has different plans for me. No matter how hard I fight it kicking and screaming, he continues to say, "Wait."

And the funny thing about waiting is that I have 2 choices:

  1. Bitch and moan while I wait
  2. Get a life while I wait
I've done both. But if you notice, there is something each of those choices have in common.... waiting. Regardless of which choice I choose, I still have to wait.

This song by Steven Curtis Chapman has helped me accept and deal with it. It's titled, you guessed it, Wait. Over the past 10 years, I have often played this song over and over and over and over and....

It has become my mantra.

Here are the lyrics.

(Steven Curtis Chapman and Margaret Becker)

[Isaiah 40:27-31]

You wonder when the Lord will renew the strength within you;
You wonder how, how can He use you as you are.
Seems like you're wasting precious time,
But then a voice comes to remind you (to wait).

[Chorus:]
Wait, wait, wait on the Lord;
You will understand in time.
Why you must wait,
Wait, wait, wait on the Lord;
Yes He hears you,
But for now you must wait on the Lord.

Answers come slowly to your cries of desperation,
But time is His tool, teaching the greatest lessons learned;
So let Him do His work in you,
And watch the miracles come true as you (wait).

[Chorus]

And He wants you to know that
They that wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They will rise up with wings as eagles,
They will run, not get weary.
They will walk and not faint;
That's a promise to us when we (wait).

[Chorus]

Fear

Fear is a funny thing.

It doesn't love you, doesn't hate you. Doesn't hide from you.

It can define you. It can destroy you. It can make you or break you.

It does not discriminate. All are welcome at its table.

Fear is your best friend and your worst enemy.

It can bewilder you or pacify you.

It can feel like a vice grip on your chest.

Let it control you and it will paralyze you. Harness it and you will soar.

I am no longer its slave.


I have not ceased being fearful, but I have ceased to let fear control me. I
have accepted fear as a part of life--specifically the fear of change, the fear
of the unknown; and I have gone ahead despite the pounding in my heart that
says: turn back, turn back, you'll die if you venture too far.
~ Erica Jong


Thursday, January 12, 2006

10 Things I've Learned From Profile Omissions

After having done the online dating thing for a number of years, I've come to recognize a few common things. One is that many people tend to reveal too much too soon about themselves because there is a false sense of comfort and familiarity that comes from reading (and re-reading) someone's profile. You tend to think you "know" them better than you do. Assuming that they have been truthful in their profile and that their photos are current and real, you may know a few things more than you would have. But you really don't know them any better than if you met them on the street. You only know what they want you to know - no more, no less. Second, I've learned that sometimes what's NOT listed (categories left blank or Match.com's default "I'll tell you later" answer) oftentimes provides you with a truer, more accurate insight into who they are.

I've had several years of experience from which to draw, and while this is by no means a scientific study and there is always an exception to every rule, here are 10 Things I've Learned.

1. If someone doesn't answer whether or not they believe in God, then they probably don't or at the very least have some sort of "issue" with religion.

2. If someone's picture is taken from far away or is fuzzy, then there is a reason for that.

3. If someone says that they are looking to "have fun," then that's usually all they are looking for. When the fun stops, as it inevitably will for a time when real life gets in the way, they're outta there.

4. If a man or woman is in his or her late 30's to early 40's and has never been married, there is a reason. And yes, I do fall into that category, too.

5. If no picture is posted at all, there is a reason.

6. If the "current relationship status" field is left blank, beware. They are still in one.

7. Just because someone has a profile posted online does not mean they are available. I've definitely had the experience of "Oh, that's so and so's boyfriend!"

8. Just because someone has a picture taken of themselves with a child does not mean they want or even like children.

9. Just because someone emails you does not mean that they care or regard what's in your profile, nor does it mean that they have even read it.

10. When someone includes a lot of statements about what they DON'T WANT IN ALL CAPS (like that), watch out because they are usually angry about something!

Friday, January 06, 2006

Too Picky? (part 2)

So here I am, in Atlanta for the SEC Championship Game weekend, and I find myself thinking, wondering, ok actually obsessing over whether or not I'm going to hear from Mr. Match. You remember him, right? He's the guy I wasn't all that attracted to. What is it about the fact that once someone doesn't seem all that available that makes you want to know them better? He told me he'd call me on my cell phone sometime over the weekend. He knew that I was in Atlanta for the game, too, and I really thought he'd want to see me. At least that was the impression I got from him.

Well, I did run into Mr. Match in Atlanta at the game. I say I "ran into him," but I honestly made a point to just so happen to be where his seats were. Ok, it wasn't THAT obvious because my seats were just a few sections over. (I acted totally shocked to have run into him. I have to add that I started out college majoring in theater, so I am a pretty good actress if I do say so myself.) Wasn't I not really attracted to him? What's wrong with me?!?!

He seemed really happy to see me (Hey... maybe he was acting, too. I never really thought about that till just now!). He jumped up, hugged and kissed me, introduced me to all of his friends, and even made a point to ask his friend to snap a picture of us together! If he was acting, then he's pretty good at it, too! I purposely said goodbye first (didn't want to appear too eager), and my friend and I found our seats. Not 5 minutes later I got a text message from him saying, "What a pleasant surprise seeing you. Good luck to the Bulldogs." Ok, maybe he didn't use the word "pleasant," but it was close. My friend was quite impressed. He really seemed interested. I began to think that maybe I really DID need to give this guy a shot!

Well, he made no other attempt to contact or see me while we were there even though I was only a few sections away. That told me that maybe he wasn't as interested in me as I thought. On Monday I got an email from him asking how my trip went and saying he hoped I had gotten home ok. I got a brief email from him each day that week with him saying he would call me soon.

That was the first week in December and he's never called. Good thing I wasn't holding my breath! Oh, I've gotten a few emails from him, but no phone calls and no real attempts to "make good" on the bet he owed me for dinner and a movie. (The Dawgs obliterated the Tigers, so he lost the bet.) His emails consisted of lots of "Hope all is well with you" and "I'm SO busy right now. This is my busiest time of year" and "I'm going fishing this weekend, but tell me when your free next week." He text messaged me on Christmas Day. His text was as follows: "I was just thinking about you. I hope you had a good Christmas." Why did this guy continue to make veiled attempts at staying in contact if he really wasn't interested in seeing me again?

After a month of this kind of communication, I'd had enough. I mean, come on! You know, I'm just sort of one of those "Sh!t or get off the pot" kind of people. I sent him this email two days ago:


"Just a quick question... I know this is your busiest time of year, but I
also know that sometimes people just lose interest or have developed interest
elsewhere. I'm really curious as to which category you have fallen into. I know
that's a bit of a direct question, but I tend to be somewhat direct after a
period of time has past. I'm fine with any category you fit in, but I'd really
just like to know. Thanks. "

And this was his response:



"Hey. Sorry about that. I really apologize. Between my schedule and
the long distance thing, I guess it would just be tough for me to try and make us
work. While I think that you are awesome, sometimes it's just bad timing. I have
really enjoyed getting to know you and would like to remain friends if that's
cool. "

Can you say, "No sh!t, Sherlock!"? And to think that I was worried about being too picky!

Now I'm aggravated with myself for feeling a bit rejected. Something is definitely wrong with this picture. Wasn't this the guy I was NOT attracted to in the first place? How did I end up in a position of feeling dumped?








Too Picky? (part 1)

I'd like to start with a recent story to illustrate my point, but you need a little background first. It may take me a few posts to set it all up, but in an effort to make this a true representation of my life and the situation, I want to include all the gory details. So please indulge me.

I had a date back in November with a man I met on Match.com. He initially contacted me but he didn't have a picture posted. I emailed him back to thank him for the "wink" and asked if he had a picture to send. He did and my initial thought was, "Hmmm... he's kinda cute and looks like 'my kind of guy.'" After several emails back and forth, we both shared our answers with each other to this pretty in depth bunch of random questions. It's nothing formal, just one of those email things amongst your friends that has evolved over the years. It's a way to "get to know your friends" better - I always love to learn about other people. When he sent it back to me with his answers, he said he didn't want to be presumptuous, but he couldn't get over how many of our answers were nearly the same. After reading it, I had to agree.

He asked me if I wanted to meet for dinner, and since we live about an hour apart, he said he'd come to my town. We had a nice dinner - good conversation and lots of laughs. He was attractive, but I certainly didn't get butterflies or anything. He invited me to go with him the next night to a black-tie charity event. I accepted and we had fun. There were no huge sparks because I really wasn't all that attracted to him. Don't get me wrong... it wasn't like he repulsed me or anything. In fact, he's probably considered cute by most girls' standards. He seemed interested in me (i.e. arm around me, very attentive, kissed me good night, etc.). I typically don't like for guys to touch or kiss me if I'm not interested in them, but this guy kind of fell somewhere in the middle so I didn't shy away from him. He just seemed like such a nice guy and a good catch. He made a comment after he kissed me good night that he'd "never had such good posture during a kiss before." I found that comment odd, and looking back, that was probably an indication that it wasn't "there" for him either. But more on that later...

The attention was nice, and I definitely enjoyed it, but I couldn't shake that I wasn't all that attracted to him. This didn't help because he is a person I "should" like and be interested in dating. But as I looked across the room at the charity event, I couldn't help but think that all the other guys were better looking. Now that's not to mean that every guy I've dated is the best looking guy or even "good looking" in the traditional sense - they were just attractive to me. Don't go thinking that that's all I look for because it's not! I know it's not the most important thing. This guy really just didn't "do it" for me, but I didn't want to be too picky and pass up the opportunity to date a good guy. I mean, what if he is supposed to be the guy for me!??!

Here is a list of his pros and cons as I see them, in no particular order:

Pros: funny; successful; polite; tall; outgoing; intelligent; well-dressed; conservative; Christian; family oriented; Southern; lots of friends; well-connected; social and involved;

Cons: not attracted to him; bad-breath (now he had been drinking, so that could have been the reason); may drink more than I'm comfortable with (not sure on this one, he didn't get drunk on our date, but I'm just cautious due to prior bad experience with other guys)

Notice that the pro list is much longer than the con one. Am I being too picky? Expecting too much? Many would argue that I am.

You see, that's the dilemma that many 30+ -year-olds face... being seen as too picky. So you end up questioning your basic attraction instincts. At 35, who am I to pass up a "good prospect?" I mean, I did enjoy spending time with him, so maybe I AM being too picky. I mean, I did look forward to seeing him again and to seeing if anything might grow between us.

You see, I'm one of those people who oftentimes needs people to grow on me. It is not uncommon for someone to begin to seem a lot more attractive to me after spending time with them. So I usually like to get to know people better. I typically am not a "snap judgment" type of person.

Anyway, back to November...

We were both scheduled to go to Atlanta for the SEC Championship Game the next day (separately... just a coincidence).

As an aside - we were actually rooting for opposing teams which was half of the fun. We'd begun to joke and rib each other about our teams and who was going to win. He even suggested placing a wager on it although he never came up with one.

I was kind of excited that he was going to be there and thought (to myself) that we may hang out a bit while we were there. I was excited because I thought it was the perfect opportunity to get to know him better in a different environment without the pressures of being on a one-on-one date. I also realized that he was going with "the guys" - a group of his married friends who he said were all excited to be getting away from the wives and kids for the weekend. Not exactly conducive for us to spend a whole lot of time together, but I thought he may ask my friends and me to meet up for tailgating for something.

Regardless, the possibility of more fun was on the horizon.