Too Picky? (part 1)

I'd like to start with a recent story to illustrate my point, but you need a little background first. It may take me a few posts to set it all up, but in an effort to make this a true representation of my life and the situation, I want to include all the gory details. So please indulge me.

I had a date back in November with a man I met on Match.com. He initially contacted me but he didn't have a picture posted. I emailed him back to thank him for the "wink" and asked if he had a picture to send. He did and my initial thought was, "Hmmm... he's kinda cute and looks like 'my kind of guy.'" After several emails back and forth, we both shared our answers with each other to this pretty in depth bunch of random questions. It's nothing formal, just one of those email things amongst your friends that has evolved over the years. It's a way to "get to know your friends" better - I always love to learn about other people. When he sent it back to me with his answers, he said he didn't want to be presumptuous, but he couldn't get over how many of our answers were nearly the same. After reading it, I had to agree.

He asked me if I wanted to meet for dinner, and since we live about an hour apart, he said he'd come to my town. We had a nice dinner - good conversation and lots of laughs. He was attractive, but I certainly didn't get butterflies or anything. He invited me to go with him the next night to a black-tie charity event. I accepted and we had fun. There were no huge sparks because I really wasn't all that attracted to him. Don't get me wrong... it wasn't like he repulsed me or anything. In fact, he's probably considered cute by most girls' standards. He seemed interested in me (i.e. arm around me, very attentive, kissed me good night, etc.). I typically don't like for guys to touch or kiss me if I'm not interested in them, but this guy kind of fell somewhere in the middle so I didn't shy away from him. He just seemed like such a nice guy and a good catch. He made a comment after he kissed me good night that he'd "never had such good posture during a kiss before." I found that comment odd, and looking back, that was probably an indication that it wasn't "there" for him either. But more on that later...

The attention was nice, and I definitely enjoyed it, but I couldn't shake that I wasn't all that attracted to him. This didn't help because he is a person I "should" like and be interested in dating. But as I looked across the room at the charity event, I couldn't help but think that all the other guys were better looking. Now that's not to mean that every guy I've dated is the best looking guy or even "good looking" in the traditional sense - they were just attractive to me. Don't go thinking that that's all I look for because it's not! I know it's not the most important thing. This guy really just didn't "do it" for me, but I didn't want to be too picky and pass up the opportunity to date a good guy. I mean, what if he is supposed to be the guy for me!??!

Here is a list of his pros and cons as I see them, in no particular order:

Pros: funny; successful; polite; tall; outgoing; intelligent; well-dressed; conservative; Christian; family oriented; Southern; lots of friends; well-connected; social and involved;

Cons: not attracted to him; bad-breath (now he had been drinking, so that could have been the reason); may drink more than I'm comfortable with (not sure on this one, he didn't get drunk on our date, but I'm just cautious due to prior bad experience with other guys)

Notice that the pro list is much longer than the con one. Am I being too picky? Expecting too much? Many would argue that I am.

You see, that's the dilemma that many 30+ -year-olds face... being seen as too picky. So you end up questioning your basic attraction instincts. At 35, who am I to pass up a "good prospect?" I mean, I did enjoy spending time with him, so maybe I AM being too picky. I mean, I did look forward to seeing him again and to seeing if anything might grow between us.

You see, I'm one of those people who oftentimes needs people to grow on me. It is not uncommon for someone to begin to seem a lot more attractive to me after spending time with them. So I usually like to get to know people better. I typically am not a "snap judgment" type of person.

Anyway, back to November...

We were both scheduled to go to Atlanta for the SEC Championship Game the next day (separately... just a coincidence).

As an aside - we were actually rooting for opposing teams which was half of the fun. We'd begun to joke and rib each other about our teams and who was going to win. He even suggested placing a wager on it although he never came up with one.

I was kind of excited that he was going to be there and thought (to myself) that we may hang out a bit while we were there. I was excited because I thought it was the perfect opportunity to get to know him better in a different environment without the pressures of being on a one-on-one date. I also realized that he was going with "the guys" - a group of his married friends who he said were all excited to be getting away from the wives and kids for the weekend. Not exactly conducive for us to spend a whole lot of time together, but I thought he may ask my friends and me to meet up for tailgating for something.

Regardless, the possibility of more fun was on the horizon.