I've often been asked, "So what are you looking for in mate? What's your type?" Sure, I can easily rattle off a list of traits and qualities that are important to me, or (as previously posted) recite my Must Haves and Can't Stands. But it's more than that.
It's that indescribable thing or feeling that you get when you meet someone that says "Wow, what was that? There may be something there." But if it's indescribable, how can you tell someone else what it is? How do you instantly know whether there is romantic potential with someone or not?
I believe it all starts with a spark.
It's just something - a feeling you get with someone. It's either there or it isn't. According to the American Heritage Dictionary, a spark can be defined as "a quality or feeling with latent potential; a seed." I think the definition fits.
Then the chemistry comes into play. The dictionary defines it as "the elements of a complex entity and their dynamic interaction." How very appropriate. It implies complexity, and when two people are involved, it's bound to get complex. Chemistry can certainly grow, but there must first be a spark to get it started.
It's a shame when a spark is not there with a really nice person, who on paper, seems to have it all. It seems lame to only say, "I just don't feel any spark." But that is the reality. There just isn't that necessary spark. I've recently come across something which I believe illustrates this point, and the funny thing is that it comes from "reality" tv.
I watch the reality tv show, The Bachelor, on ABC. And being the dork I am, I read the message boards where fans discuss the show. Throughout the posts, there always seems to be the question, "Why did he let her go? She's beautiful and smart, and they seem to have so much in common!" People get irate when they feel a "good girl" has been slighted. (I must admit I've been guilty of this, too.)
But the reality is he just didn't "feel" it. If you read his online diary, invariably there is a sentence or two in there explaining that he just didn't feel any sexual chemistry or spark with that person. Can you really blame a person for that?
You can't make it happen or not happen - it's either there or it isn't.
Best case scenario is when both people feel the spark. Next best scenario is when neither person feels the spark. The worst case scenario is when one person feels it and the other does not - that's never fun.
I've played the role in each of these three scenarios. I must admit, sometimes more gracefully than others.
But in my quest to keep learning and growing, I vow to never again get angry when someone doesn't "feel" it with me.
4 comments:
I remember the Smoky the Bear commercials warning that is only takes a spark to start a forest fire. Is it not a natural law in which all great things start with one small beginning.
• Grains of sand to form a beach
• The first step to a long journey
• Seed of an oak
• First stone in a building
• Glint in the eye of another igniting passion. (this one could just be lust)
• Creation of life
I surmised two themes in your post. One theme is the age old question of “What lights one’s fire?” And, the other theme of an unfortunate situation of where one person is senses a spark when it is not reciprocated.
The ‘spark’ can not be defined by words alone. It is one those many qualities that have no concise definition such as love, faith, life, trust… It still begs the question – what is it?
Sometimes, I think I am more concerned that this spark may take off out of control… And yet I am concerned that maybe this spark may never light. When I really think about it – this spark is so minuet and yet it is so powerful. Imagine is it with a spark in which life begins and the fading of a spark in which life ends. A spark is the essence of potential. And maybe that’s where I should define it - a spark is simply 'potential…'
Ooooo, how very insightful. I agree that I have often been concerned about the spark igniting a fire that burns out of control, as well as wondering whether or not a spark will ever again be lit. That is until it lights again, and then I'm no longer concerned about that!
Yes, spark is potential, but I think it's more basic and primal than that.
Some couples truly experience the "love at first sight" thing...I never did. Others grow to love someone after having a relationship of a different sort with them. Some just go out on a date thinking it will be like any other and then 6 months later wonder why they haven't been able to find anything wrong with this person.
It is different for every couple...but the spark is absolutely essential. Whether it is immediate or comes with time, it is usually very (pleasantly) surprising!
How right you are, Jessies!
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