13 Days

Wish I had something profound to say, but I don't. I miss blogging, but I just haven't had the mental energy to write. Maybe that's when I need to write the most. Seems as if I am avoiding thinking too much. There's just too much going on and too many changes.

I like change, as a rule. I usually do pretty well with it. I'm very used to it. It's been my pattern... my history... my mantra.

I hate my new school, but I'm sure God has something there for me learn. Otherwise I wouldn't be there. I have already learned more about gang life and poverty and depression and sorrow and wasted minds.

I've witnessed a stepfather and stepson get into a fist fight in front of the school resulting in the stepfather being placed in handcuffs in front of the buses as they were ready to load up for the ride home. I've learned that this fight did not even faze the students. It was as if it were an everyday occurrence in their lives. Unfortunately, it probably is. I've learned from my Department Chair (a black, single mother of 2 with a master's degree in Education) that in "their" culture that's how males act. It's discipline-not abuse.

I've learned how to spot and decode gang communication.

I've learned from a student that he intended to slash my tires.

I've learned from a co-worker that if I'm to be respected, I have to convince my students to look at me and say "Damn, 'dat white bitch's CRAZY!" I've learned that it would also probably help if I "messed up my hair a 'lil bit and made my face get all red like you white people do."

I've learned that the administration has not a single clue how to run the school.

I've learned how to stand my ground when a very large teenage man/boy towers above me in an effort to intimidate me.

I've learned that 90 minutes is a HELL of a LONG time to be with one group of kids.

I've learned that even though I'm team-teaching, the burden of classroom management falls on my shoulders.

I've learned (well actually I knew this already) that not everyone likes me.

I've learned what it's like to be judged by my skin color.

I've learned what it's like to be hugged out of the blue by a student on her way home for the weekend.

Tomorrow begins day 14.